There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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