Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
