I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
