thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
