I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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