The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
