I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
