nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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