since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you never un-have a 4some
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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