I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
