I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
