yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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