someone owes me an orgasm
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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