I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we have officially lost it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
