Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
