which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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