just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
