I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize