Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
