just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
