Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
