My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
