beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize