Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
