My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize