Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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