the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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