There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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