i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
