I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
