i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
