I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
