I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
