Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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