I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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