Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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