It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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