i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
