she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
