dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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