time to smoke my breakfast
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
