look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
