did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
