Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
