Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
