Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
