Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
