well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
