I CAN MOONWALK!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
