My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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