Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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