if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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