what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
