your room smells of hookers.
And success
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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