Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm passing your future prison.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
