i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
