you traded sex for a burrito?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
