I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
