when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
