walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
