i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
