I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my liver is dry heaving
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
