i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
