I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize