Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
