You made me cry and you don't even care
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
