Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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