I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
