its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
