I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
