Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
