Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
