After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
