Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize