I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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