def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
