I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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