Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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