when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
