He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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