is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
